I Used to Be Darker
Matthew Porterfield · 2013 · 88 minutes
Nov. 14 · Regal 1 · 9:30 p.m.
A runaway seeks refuge with her aunt and uncle in Baltimore and finds their marriage ending and her cousin in crisis. In the days that follow, the family struggles to let go of the past while searching for new things to hold onto.
Programmer’s Note
“I used to be darker, then I got lighter, then I got dark again. Something too big to be seen was passing over and over me.” – “Jim Cain” by Bill Callahan
I Used to Be Darker, the third feature by Baltimore native Matthew Porterfield, begins in Ocean City, where nineteen-year-old Taryn (Deragh Campbell) finds herself in a moment of crisis. As a Marylander myself, I can attest to the reality of the scenario; many of us have had such crises down at the ocean. Taryn flees to the suburbs and to what she assumes will be the safe haven of her aunt Kim’s (Kim Taylor) and uncle Bill’s (Ned Oldham) home, only to find them navigating a bitter breakup. Their daughter Abby (Hannah Gross), back for the summer after her first year of college, isn’t taking it well.
After making the documentary-like and improvisational Putty Hill (2010), Porterfield made a more traditional turn with I Used to Be Darker, collaborating with Amy Belk through a long writing process to find characters who reflected the reality of what they saw happening around them. Taylor and Oldham are musicians, and like Campbell and Gross, neither of them had acted in a film before, but they both embody—perhaps in ways more seasoned actors could not—the exhausting middle-aged struggle of balancing artistic impulses with everyday responsibilities. Bill has already abandoned his dreams in exchange for a day job that pays the mortgage, Kim hasn’t yet, and that tension has become too heavy a load for either of them to bear.
I Used to Be Darker is a rare find among independent American regional cinema in that it’s essentially a musical. Both Oldham and Taylor perform songs during the film, and music and performance (Abby is studying to be an actress) wind throughout the film in various ways, exploding its still and languid style with bursts of expression. “These characters are dealing with emotions that can’t all be articulated in conversation,” Porterfield has said. “So we let the music do some of that speaking.”
Since making I Used to Be Darker, Campbell and Gross have both gone on to prominent careers, including starring roles in An Evening Song, winner of our Best Director prize in 2023.
Matthew Porterfield will introduce the film and participate in an audience Q&A. He is also a producer of Ponderosa, which is screening in the American Regional Cinema Competition.
Matt Porterfield is a writer, director, and producer born and raised in Baltimore. He has written and directed four feature films, Hamilton (2006), Putty Hill (2011), I Used to Be Darker (2013), and Sollers Point (2018). In 2025, Matt produced four features: Clemente Castor’s Frió metal, Rob Rice’s Ponderosa, Bad Head by Jimmy Joe Roche, and an adaptation of Mario Bellatin’s novel Salon de belleza directed by Nathalia Acevedo. He is currently completing his first Spanish-language feature, Solo tengo sed, set in Mexico, where he is based.